Eat Your Wheaties

When you’re allergic to what’s good for you

Why is it so hard to do what’s best for us?

I think it started early.

Needing to eat our veggies but choosing French fries.

Sitting in the salon chair thinking bangs are a good idea.

Dating the guy everyone warns you about instead of the nice one who actually calls when he says.

There’s a pattern here.

Right now, the good medicine I can’t seem to take is meditation.

My first swing at being a meditative girlie was around 2017 or 2018. I downloaded Headspace like everyone else and sat criss-cross applesauce in my living room. Eyes closed. Fighting that inner voice that wouldn’t shut the hell up.

I stuck with it for a record-breaking 4–5 weeks.

(Consistency is not my strong suit.)

And in that time, life really began to fall on my head—to quote one of my spiritual teachers.

After months of trying to leave my job and getting no interviews, I was suddenly booking meetings. The head of marketing at BET. A festival agency. It felt unreal because for so long, my life had been Groundhog's Day.

And then I let it go.

Maybe I thought things were happening, so I could stop.

Maybe the fact that things were happening scared me.

I don’t know.

But I do know this:

I seem to be allergic to the things that actually help me.

There’s a bottle of magnesium and vitamin D on my bathroom counter. I stopped taking them after weeks of habit. They were making a difference. And as I write this, the bottle still sits there. Unopened.

Is this self-sabotage?

Do I secretly hate myself?

I don’t have answers.

But I see the pattern.

And I'm trying to break it - with a different kind of meditation this time.

Not the mindful meditation I did before, where I was just trying to quiet my mind. This time it's heart-based. A real conversation with Life.

Because I can feel the shift. Things are changing.

I got a new oracle deck called Animal Apothecary.

One of the cards shows an armadillo.

Across the top, it says: You are about to shine.

I didn’t even know what an armadillo was and honestly, still don’t.

But this card's description stuck with me.

This is clearly talking about meditation. About the way it sets off a chain reaction of literal magic.

I’m sharing the armadillo here with you in case it lights your fire the way it did mine.